Self-Worth

Through a lot of gratitude journaling, knowing my support circle, and always looking out for myself first, I've been able to overcome some of the darkest times and thoughts. I think everyday is a blessing when I understand more things and attempt to view things from a distanced perspective. One thing I must say is that although I may not feel connected or relate-able with some people in my closer group, I'm still friends with many that have the same values as I do. This motivates me to always strive for better and keep my head up!

Ground

If I spiral back to the people that I admire the most, almost all of them have a pretty difficult obstacle facing their lives, whether it be their work situation, children, relationships, or money. I most admire that they are vulnerable and honest with their needs and have a resiliency to handle or attempt to handle their given scenario.

Oddly enough, I'm shocked at how low I hit last year and really feel like almost a sense of superpowers with everything I've learned. No matter what happens, I know my worth and what I can contribute. I hope that I've devoted just as much to my relationships, jobs, my home, and myself that should one of these things fall through, I still have a ground to stand on and am certainly grateful for that.

Yesterday marked my first day of attempting meditating with that really cool app I found from Gratitude Journal. So far so good so I will try another exercise today at lunch!

Leaning into the Discomfort

It's amazing to me how my problems that I feel like I'm dealing with can end up feeling so small, especially when I know everyone has something they're also facing. Why is it that I haven't built up the resiliency to sit in or go to sleep with certain discomforts and want to through a fit until I'm satisfied with an answer? I think this is definitely part of growing up.

At first, gratitude journals seemed like such a frivolous task and would probably not be what I'm looking for. I believe that the trick is, being grateful or at least learning to be grateful is all we have left. Whenever I think, "Would I feel this way if this was the last hour or last day I have?" then my answer is usually, no I want to be feeling or reacting differently.

I've learned so much from this experience and am now better understanding many of the Buddhist principles, like letting go of what you can't control. We're now adults having to make adult decisions. Things I would forgive my best friends for doing are currently things I'm not willing to forgive others for doing. What if there's so much more than that?

Things I Love

1. Shoulder-length or shorter hair. Not only is it more fun to curl/wave short hair, it feels a lot more freeing. I think my favorite haircut in the past year was the asymmetrical bob. Seriously, it felt amazing. 
2. Reading. With my gals in tow to start a very informal book club, I'm instantly motivated to read more books this year. This definitely includes more funny and enlightening stuff. I haven't attempted a heavier book in a while and wonder if I could! 
3. Knowing that the worst in my case isn't actually that bad. It's sometimes sad and upsetting, but let's face it, I've built my whole life on having things to offer. Laugh, live, travel, and learn. Let's go!